My Sweet Husna is 15 today!

This is my sweet Husna.

She’s in the world of her own, in the place she created when she was over a year old. That’s the place where she can be who she wants to be. Do whatever she wants to do. We tried so many times to bring her out of her comfortable realm but she was persistent. To stay there and see the outside world thru the glass wall she built over 13 years ago.

Just like any other Autistic child, she needs that wall to feel safe.

And just like any other mother of an Autistic child, I tried so many times to break that wall...

...to get her to this side of the world where she can be safe with us.... and try ....oh so many things! Like how it feels to hold an egg that has been left in a jar of vinegar for a week. Or what happens if you glue a Rubic’s cube together. Or how does it feel when you step on a snail in the garden, barefooted. Or fight over the Astro remote control with your siblings. Or race to get the prettiest cupcake on the tray. Or how fun it is to color each other’s nails with henna....

My Husna's trying hard, I know. I know this because I understand what’s going on in that magical mind of hers. And she too understands. She smiles whenever she hears her name. She’ll run and hug me if I called her name. She’d lie in my arms when I asked her to.... and sleep like a baby afterwards. And I'd feel contented, just by having her in my arms and watching her sleep... so innocent and pure. My Ahli Syurga.

Today my sweet baby turns 15, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY Husna sayang!! Remember that our love has no boundaries. Ibu and Ayah will always pray that you’ll someday stay on this side of the wall with us, so that you know that in this world, only the sky is the limit.

Happy Birthday! We all love you sayang!

Raya oh Raya.....

I hope it’s still not too late to wish everybody - SELAMAT HARI RAYA and MAAF ZAHIR BATIN! I hope everyone had a wonderful week of Raya with family, relatives and friends.

This year is Kluang’s turn for us. Since there’s no airport there in Kluang, we couldn’t ‘post’ the kids home via air thus we had to travel in two cars. My first time driving this far tau! I was lucky that the traffic was good to and fro. Alhamdulillah.

The Projek Bunga Api on that malam Raya was great. The nephews, nieces and my kids were the project members.. and don’t forget the project manager and directors too ok.... Tua-tua pun main Thunder Clap and Thunder King..hahahaha! Meriah betul main bunga api kat kampung! You could see and hear mercun everywhere! It took us around 3-4 hours to finish everything off. It was fun. My Haziq especially, had so much fun.

Haifa watching the bunga api

Haziq, Hasya, Hanna, Hanis, Haifa and the maids sempat posing sambil main bunga api at their nenek's house di malam raya

My Hanis celebrated her 4th birthday on the Raya day itself. “Hari Raya Happy Birthday Hanis” was her mantra a few days prior to the 20th. Brought her to Secret Recipe that morning and asked her to choose the cake herself, and she chose the one with cherries on top... what else, the Black Forestlah. That 'lil girl blushed when all her siblings, aunties, uncles and cousins sang her the birthday song. She was happy to add more Barbies into her collection. And this time Miss Barbie comes with Master Ken ;)
Nampak sangat muka nervous. Segan sebab ramai orang kot....

My five girls - Haifa, Husna, Hanna, Hasya and Hanis in their Baju Boria di pagi raya di rumah Nenek

We went to Pontian on the 2nd day of raya to visit my Pak Chaq, who is my mother’s eldest sibling. What was supposed to be a less-than-two-hour trip became more-than-three-hour trip. Traffic punyalah teruk near Ayer Hitam and Benut! But it was all worth it. The hospitality and company was great, and the food was A+++ I tell you! My Mak Chaq’s really a great cook. I’m sure if she were to open a restaurant, mesti tak menang tangan punya! I wonder why my cuz Che Uda doesn’t gain weightlah...hmmhh... Kena mintak petua nih!

My 86yo Pak Chaq. My Mak - his youngest sibling- would surely want to see this pic

This is my Mak Chaq yang terror masak!

Hanis with her Kak Asma'

Came back to home sweet home on Wednesday the 23rd. Oh.. doing the laundry took us two days to finally wash and dry everything, from the baju rayas to comforters. Lucky that those two days saw the sun in its fiercely hot state.

That's why I'm currently all tanned-up. No, not because of doing the laundry, it was due to the hours spent outside the house on the weekend. Hah, buat lagi gardening tengah panas!

Kids After the Hols

Now that the holiday’s over, things got back to routine. Back to school for my older children and back to kindy for my Hanis. Well, last week was a difficult week for me - having to listen to Hanis’s crying “Nak Ibu, Nak Ibu” everytime I dropped her off at the kindergarten. And it broke my heart to pieces everytime she did that.

But today in the car she smiled and sang to the tune of her favorite song - Sunday-Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday (that’s actually the complete lyrics of the whole song!) Can you imagine me listening to this song over-and-over again for like 10 times before reaching her kindy! Every single day. She refused to listen to anything else. Tak jemu pulak tu.

My Haifa got her first shot at school last week. That was an immunization injection given to Standard One students at school. She came running to me with tears in her eyes when I reached home that day and told me her sob story...
"Sakitlah Ibu tangan Haifa dua-dua ni..."
"Macamana Haifa nak buat punch untuk exam taekwondo nanti? Tak boleh lah Ibu..."
"Ibu, macamana Haifa nak buat backstroke swimming nanti.. tangan Haifa sakit ni"
"Ibu, Haifa rasa Haifa tak boleh pegang racquet squash lah Ibu, tangan Haifa sakit sangat ni. Tengok ni"
I said to her that the pain would go off in a few days.
She said, "I don’t think so lah Ibu, tengok ni, tangan Haifa tak boleh angkat ni.. sakit" And she showed me her muka sedih.
I said "Nanti Ibu sapu minyak Mustajab, nanti baik"
Two days later she was up and running, as if nothing ever bothered her at all. Haifa...Haifa...

Today my Hanna got her shot – given to the Standard Six pupils at school. She called me up just now telling me that she cried after getting the jab. So painful she said. I think that was the Rubella injection. I remember getting this shot when I first arrived in the States in 1986. It was painful... and many of the International Students there with me fainted, I mean they fainted before getting those injections!!

My Hasya has been asking me for another cupcake making and deco session. I know that I've promised the girls. Been dillydallying it for months already. And now they've been 'harassing' me. I think I better give in. At least I can bring those cupcakes during my Haziq and Husna's school party this weekend.

In the meantime, I'm trying hard to finish reading Sophie Kinsella's two books before I got to watch the Confessions of a Shopaholic movie. I hope I will finish them in time.

A marathon reading for me!

Happy 14th Birthday Husna!

My dearest Sweet Husna - My first daughter. My special child,
Happy 14th Birthday sayang! May all our wishes for you come true!


My special one,
You and Abang Haziq have shown tremendous improvement these past few months. I don’t want to know why... or how... coz every little thing that both of you did - though it might be insignificant to others – was a milestone to be celebrated...

And today’s your birthday. Although you never asked for anything - Ayah, Ibu and your sisters love you and will always do’a for you. May all our do’as become Mustajab do’as!

Happy 14th Birthday Husna!!! Let’s cut the cake tonight!

Do you Believe in Miracles?

Ibu, Ibu percaya tak miracle? Haifa asked me yesterday.

Do I believe in miracles? Of course I do! I believe everybody will at least experience it once. Whether they realize it or not.

My miracle experiences? Other than giving birth to 6 wonderful children, I do have three.

The first one was sometime in July/August 1997. I was 31 and was 8mo pregnant with my third child Hanna and we decided to go for our Umrah - Ayah, my MIL and my special child Haziq (who still couldn’t walk at 3y10mo). Heavily pregnant and not wearing a tudung yet then, I was somehow given discouragement by my office colleagues.
Very hot in Mekah, you know especially when you’re not used to wear a tudung.
Aren’t you afraid of giving birth in Mekah?
Doktor Arab kasar tau...
Eh, nanti you bersalin dalam flight, tak takut ke?
Can Haziq cope?
How are you going to do tawwaf with Haziq?
Boleh ke – pregnant 8 bulan, dengan Haziq tak boleh jalan – boleh handle ke?

Somehow that didn’t deter me. I was given the encouragement by Ayah and a Pak Haji (Arwah Hj Mohd Noor) who had been Haziq’s tukang urut and was like a grandfather to us at that time. He told me to think positive and to ignore all the negative remarks.

We had to leave our other special child, my sweet Husna (who still couldn’t walk at 2y9m0) with my parents in Alor Setar.

Everything went on smoothly in Madinah and Mekah. And no, I didn’t give birth to Hanna there. And no, Haziq didn’t trouble us at all. And my head didn’t even sweat in those tudungs. Alhamdulillah.

When we reached home, the first thing I did was to call Mak to inquire about Husna.
Mak, macamana Husna Mak?
And I still can remember what Mak said as vividly as ever:

Ja, Miracle Ja!! Hari tu Husna bangun dan terus berjalan dari dapur sampai ke depan. Bukan jalan jatuh pun. Sampai la ni dia berjalan macam tak dak apa-apa!

I was speechless. I could feel my eyes stinging with tears. And I called out for Ayah - Abang, Mak kata Husna dah jalan! Ayah was very excited and quickly called his brother to pick up my MIL. We drove back to Alor Setar to see our Angel who just started walking... I just couldn’t believe that she could walk...

Later when we calculated the time and date when my Husna started walking, it was the day when we were infront of the Ka’abah. Terima kasih Ya Allah kerana membuat do’a kami do’a yang Mustajab...

The second miracle was Ayah’s. He saw something totally out of this world. He was asked to share his story with a reporter who happened to know about it... but Ayah refused. Segan, he said.

It happened in 1998, when I was 32, while performing our Hajj a few months after our first Umrah trip. Hanna was born in Sept97 and was only around 5-6mo when we went for our Haji. This time we went there with Ayah’s relatives and my MIL. We got our Visa Ziarah and managed to do our Haji. We did an Ifrad and although Ayah and I shared a room while in Mekah, nothing indecent happened..he..he..

After performing our Hajj in Mekah, we proceeded to Madinah. This was when it all happened. Ayah came back from Masjid Nabawi to the hotel one night telling us of his experience. He had just finished his Maghrib prayer (or was it Isyak?) in the sacred Raudhah area when this Indonesian guy who was a few feet away doing his do’a (he was extending his hands out for the do’a) received a bundle in his hands. Apparently one Pak Arab just walked by him and put the bundle in the guy’s extended hands. Nobody could see that Pak Arab after that. And guess what was in the bundle?? It was a newborn baby!

Everybody near the Indonesian guy was ecstatic. Including Ayah. He went to see the baby... who was indeed a cute one. Out of thin air, another Pak Arab came running and grabbed the baby from the Indon man. People started chasing him but he was gone .. * poof* just like that!

God is the Greatest. Perhaps in his do’a, the Indon man was asking to have or hold a child even for one second. And Allah granted his wish? Only God knows..

The third miracle that happened to me was in 2001. We went to perform our Umrah again, this time with Ayah, AYAH(my dad), Mak, MIL, my Husna (7yo) and my Hanna (4yo). My Haziq (8yo) and my Hasya (2yo) were left in SP with my older brother, Benjie. At this time Haziq could only walk with help - like when we hold his hand or when he leaned against the furniture. But never on his own.

And guess what? Back in SP, my Haziq walked without help! Although his left leg is shorter than the right, he managed to walk on his own. Coming back from the trip, seeing him walking really made me very proud. My only boy’s now walking!

Alhamdulillah…

In short, I really believe that a parent's do’a will make a difference in a child’s life. Regardless of the place where the do’a is made, Allah listens. Even if the do’a is not granted, remember that it’s always for the best.

And when such thing as a miracle happened, it is also for the best.