Hanna & MRSM

I was cleaning my drawer last night when I saw 6 movie ticket stubs. We watched the movie last year at Sunway Pyramid and I still remember one incident while queuing up to get that tickets. I was waiting with my Hanna when she recognized this guy in the same queue.
She went “Ibu, itu Sam Bunkface!”
I asked her, “Are you sure?”
“Very sure lah Ibu!” came the answer.
So I went like “You really want to buy his CD, so why don’t I ask him?”
“Jangaaaan Ibu.... malu!”

Hahaha.. I was just bluffing and there Hanna was – trying to make herself invisible for having a daring mom like me! I saw her face reddened. My God, my 11+ yo daughter really thought I was gonna embarrass her!

Since Sam and his pretty girlfriend were like two feet away when the line went the corner, I sakat Hanna some more... I whispered “Let me take his picture with my phone. You definitely wanna post this in FB and Myspace”

“Jangaaaaaan IBUuuuuuu.. pleeeeeezz nooooo”, and she turned away.... Malu for sure.. so I said “Oklah”. But I did snap twice when they were waiting for their popcorns. I know Hanna would like to tayang to her two sisters – Hasya and Haifa later on.

Alahai... Teringat my Hanna... who is now away from me in a boarding school up north since end of March. Sigh. I miss you. Double sigh.

You see, when she took the UPSR exam last year, just to be ‘fair’ I told her that she’d only be applying for MRSM, and not other schools. So I didn’t get online to apply for SBP for her. When the UPSR results were out, I have to fulfill my promise, so with a heavy heart I filled out the MRSM form for her and send it to MARA (hoping that she wouldn’t get in!)

The MRSM results came out in February 2010 and she wasn’t selected. I was happy – Yay! I gotta keep my baby at home! Hanna was ok, since initially she didn’t give much thought about MRSM anyway. She was happy with her friends and the school that she went was just around the corner. Unlike some of my friends who appealed to MARA, we didn’t. I just told her, “It’s all fated that you didn’t get to go to MRSM. Remember Allah knows what’s best for you”.

It was a month later when Dear Hubby called me in the office telling me that somebody from MRSM called him and asked him to check MARA’s website regarding Hanna. I was surprised to see the online offer letter from MRSM and that she had to register at the MRSM in less than two weeks. She was included in the second intake for Form One students to be enrolled in one MRSM up north.

That was a tough decision to make. Should I let her go? How about the classes she’s been taking like swimming, taekwondo, piano, squash and the guitar lesson she’s just started? Would she be ok like me when I was 12+ ... finding my way in MRSM Kulim in 1979? Would she find great friends like I did? Would she learn the many tastes of life like I had?

My friends in FB gave their opinions... so did my parents and my siblings. There were pros and cons... but mostly pros. Most would say that it would be for her future. Her education. So that the path for her to go on will be there once she finishes high school. But I knew then that whatever it was, it would all be up to me to decide since Hanna herself couldn’t decide. The thing was, I’ve always told myself, ever since the kids were just babies.. that I would never let the children leave the house until they’re done with their SPM and further their studies elsewhere. Not in a million years would I send them to boarding schools!

It was a Yes and No decisions in the next 4 days... until one day, while on our way to Kluang to see my MIL, Dear Hubby and I discussed (again!) and he said something like “It’s kinda funny to me when you don’t want Hanna to go to MRSM and yet you were schooled there. You should know how great it was.”

Yes, I had been selfish. I wanted her with me.. just because. So what should I say to her now that she’s got the offer? What about “It’s all fated that you did get to go to MRSM. Remember Allah knows what’s best for you?”

So I decided to let her go. She’s now away from me in her MRSM. It’s tough you know, especially during birthdays when she wasn’t around to share the birthday cakes. Like going to the cinema to catch a good film. Or eating her favorite food and drinking her favorite drink. Or walking passed her favorite store in a mall. All would always come to “Hanna sure will love this”.

It’s been more than 3 months since, and I’m getting used to her not being around the house now. I can’t remember how many trips we’ve made up north to visit her or how many phone calls she made to me. She learns how to take care of her things now - washes her own clothes, gets up in the mornings on her own, tidies her own bed and locker, sweeps the floor, irons her clothes and manages her own time. These are all new to her since at home these are all done by the maid.

Everytime I see her, she looks more mature than my previous visit. But I guess she’s still pretty much smitten with Sam Bunkface..hahahaha...

** We love you Hanna! Take care of yourself, ok?

Mak's 67th Birthday

Dearest Mak,
Happy 67th Birthday Mak! I hope you have a wonderful day today. Just came back from my teambuilding trip... I really wish I could talk to you earlier this morning, but you know lah - the schedule was too full.

Mak,
Thank you Mak. Thank you for being the best mother that one could ever wish for. Thank you for being with us thru thick and thin. Thank you for lifting us up to your shoulder when we couldn't see. Thank you for the sacrifice you made when you left your career simply because you wanted to take care of us. Thank you.. thank you Mak... thank you sooo much for everything.

(You're so full of Patience, Love and Understanding that sometimes I wonder why I can't have at least a quarter of those traits in me?)

Mak,
My wish for you on your birthday will always be - for you have a great health, a world full of serenity in imaan and mountains of love, happiness and laughters...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAK! I LOVE YOU!

The Mom-of-the-Year Award

I’ve been honored with The Mom of the Year Award from Wanshana who seems to think that I deserve it. I know I’m not a perfect mom but all mothers say the same thing. Nobody’s perfect, right? TQ Shana, I’m truly honored :)

And yeap, the award comes with a set of rules which include:
1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom).

2. List 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be. Remember to send them a note letting them know you have selected them, and also add a link to your post that directs people back to the person who nominated you.

So here we go:
1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom)

I think I have more than one. Or definitely more than 10..hahaha..

I guess the number one thing I feel most awful about is pretty much the same for most working mothers – not being able to be there 24/7 for their kids. If I were a deep-pocket, I’d be a stay-home mom – where I can do anything they want me to do. Cook their favorite meals, drive them to their favorite locations, spend time with them doing things they love and most of all, be there whenever and wherever they want me to.

2. List 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.

1) I absolutely love it when my kids come running to me and give me the hugs and kisses when I reach home from work. Anti-stress prescription for sure.

2) I love the outings I have with them. They are full of life and every step they take leaves a vibrant color in me. They just liven things up with their different ways and personalities.

3) I so love spending time with them. Doing anything they like – baking, eating, singing, coloring, reading, playing, gardening, watching movies or just lazing around in the house with at least one of them in my arms. And the best part is when they fall asleep in these arms.

4) I love them unconditionally. No matter how they are like, they are the greatest gifts that I’ve ever received. My Treasure. My Life.

5) I love the fact that they look up to me. They even think that I have extra ‘eyes’ at the back of my head since I seem to know everything they do or think. They still wonder how I got that ‘eyes’. It’s called instinct, kids!

6) I love the hugs, kisses and I-Love-Yous they give me every night before going to sleep. And I love to watch them sleeping afterwards.

7) I love it when they make time for me.... like combing my hair or giving me a head or leg massage without being asked. I also love the letters, cards, drawings or notes they write me with words that can only come from the purest of hearts.

Seven already?

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be.

I think I'm gonna award every mother on my blogroll, but that ain't the rule. OK ... now I'm bestowing this award to:
1) Queen of the House
2) Mamamia
3) Raden Galoh
4) Chahya
5) Mum and Roses
and... can I add two more? Rules are meant to be broken anyway:)
6) Nurazzah
7) Zlaa

You rock ladies!

Taming the Final Exams Tension.. Kids!

I saw my three girls waiting for me when I reached home today. My Hanis (3yo), Haifa (6yo) and Hasya (9yo) looked excited. Ini mesti apa-apa ni, I thought.

Before I could pull the key out, my Hanna (11yo) opened the back door and jumped in. I turned to see her lying on the seat and saw that her face expression was somewhat sad.

I couldn’t ask her what was wrong, since Hasya was shoving some papers towards me. There were 2 cards and some Sekolah Agama exam papers.

Hasya : Ibu.. Ibu... Hasya ada 2 invitations untuk birthday party Ibu... satu on Saturday, satu on Sunday. Please Ibu, can I go?

Haifa : Best nya Hasya dapat pergi parties Ibu... Haifa pun best Ibu, dapat pergi chocolate factory esok!

A-ah la Hasya, you got taekwondo classlah. The exam’s next week, so you gotta go on both Saturday and Sunday. Bulan puasa hari tu kan dah sebulan rehat...

Hasya: Please Ibu... Please...

We’ll see.. Ok, Hasya?

By now Hanna was already out of the car. I could sense her tension. Hasya’s finals (Sekolah Kebangsaan and Sekolah Agama) were over today. Haifa’s Tadika assessment was also over. Tomorrow, Haifa will be going for a Tadika trip to a chocolate factory. She just couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come... Willy Wonka wannabe... Chocolate factory kan... And Hanna? She still has Sekolah Kebangsaan and Sekolah Agama finals to study for.

Itu yang Hanna tension tu. Hasya and Haifa were going to have ‘fun’. Haziq and Husna already went for their school trip before Deepavali that day. It seemed to her everybody else were ‘enjoying’ and she alone got to sit at her study table for 3 more days.

It was 6:45pm at the dinner table when she blurted her feelings out loud. Why Hasya could go to parties, why Haifa could go the chocolate factory – of all places! Why she gotta go for taekwondo classes for two days in a row when Hasya could skip one. Bla..bla..bla… and Hasya was arguing why she could go and stuff. Adoi... sakit kepala ku...

Just now, in Hasya’s room, I talked to Hanna.

Hanna... you saw HSM3 before the exam. You told me that your friends haven’t seen it yet, but you have. We did like 20 cupcakes last weekend and you did the toppings on most of them. I didn’t pressure you to study pun. But now when the exam’s here, you just have to do it. Don’t compare yourself with Hasya and Haifa coz they’re much younger than you. You’d been 6yo and 9yo before, so you must know how it was like then. When the exam’s over, you got like 2 months to do whatever you want. Nak buat paintings ke, buat sand castle kat beach ke, tengok wayang ke, main internet games ke....

Hanna nak buat jigsaw puzzle lah Ibu...

(Aikk.. of all things?) Oh... Ok. Jigsaw puzzle it is. OK?

OK Ibu.

Hmmh... that settled it. I just hope that the tension left her for good.... But I could anticipate that she’d feel the same thing tomorrow when Haifa (knowing how Haifa is) came back with her stories on the chocolate factory...

So I'm ready with the second round of the same-old same-old tomorrow..

**Sigh**

Counting Sheep

I colored all my sheep with all colors I had in mind and decided that pink was the best color a sheep could look good in. It reminded me of cotton candy with four legs... The fluffy pinks melted in your mouth... aaahh...pure heaven.....

Eh, what am I babbling about?

I counted sooo many sheep last night that I’m still seeing them in front of me as I’m typing this. My head is spinning, my eyelids heavy and my mouth yawning 60 times in a minute. Thanks to my mistake in taking the wrong supplements at night – I was wide awake last night until 4:00am!

Since I forgot to take my supplements for the first day of puasa, I kept reminding myself to do it right for the second day. Last night, in haste, instead of taking my Glucosamine+Chondroitin, I took Surbex Zinc - a high potency B complex – that according to Abbott is to help increase your energy levels and improves your stamina! There I was – in the darkness of my bedroom, counting sheep like there was no tomorrow!

But you know what, while counting and coloring sheep and reciting some surahs, I could hear the breathings of my loved ones in the room with me. How those sounds brought tears to my eyes... and how grateful I was that they were alive and healthy despite those ‘noisy’ sounds they made.

I was also grateful for my children still want to sleep with me. Only Haziq sleeps in his room... the five girls are all my sleepingmates!! They each have their own room but when it comes to sleeping at night, they like to sleep with us.

Whatever people may say, I believe that as long as your children want to sleep with you, let them be. Once they grow older, they’ll slumber out in their own rooms. I just want to cherish the time while we still have it.

What about the parent’s privacy? Well, there are empty rooms to count sheep in :)

Nak Adik Boy?

Last night, at the dinner table, Hanna said something that nearly made me choke on my pistaschios.

Ibu, Hanna nak Adiklah...

What??? What was that again Hanna???

Hanna rasa Hanna nak Adik sorang lagi lah.

(Was she for real?)

Betul ke ni Hanna?? You have 3 younger sisters now... and one Kakak and one Abang... nak lagi ke? Lagipun it’s a lil bit too late now for that... Apasal sekarang baru Hanna request?

Entahla.. Hanna rasa Hanna nak Adik boy lah... Hanna teringin la nak Adik boy...

At this point, Hasya was vigorously nodding her head... A-a lah Ibu, Hasya pun nak Adik boy jugak Ibu....

Girls, I’m too old for that now... if only you girls requested this yearsssss ago, bolehla Ibu beranak Adik boy... Lagipun, would you change his diapers now that I’m too old for that?

EEEwww.. tak naklah Ibu... diapers...eewww.. busuk laa...

So, nak tak Adik boy ni?

Eewww.. nak kena tukar diapers... tak jadilah Ibu....

Okay that settles it.

Legaaaa!

Hehe... Children... so easy to convince them...

My Ramblings on Parenting

I was feeling out of sorts earlier today. Nothing I did seemed right. Even a simple SQL statement didn’t extract the correct data. And the network wasn’t functioning well - intermittent all morning. Crap. And when the network was slow, the users would start complaining. Your system’s slow. As if they didn’t know the reasons. It was the network, dammit, my system had nothing to do with it, ok!

Oopps.. sorry for my language... I guess I got carried away with this morning’s mood I was in. It all started last night when I got pretty mad at my Hanna, Hasya and Haifa. Sometimes they just don’t listen. I hate the yellings that I have to make every single day –

Wash your hands (after playing with the bugs and what nots in the garden)
Take your shower (before 7:30pm)
Play your piano (exam’s around the corner)
Go to Sleep (c'mon, I’ve got to wake you up at 5:45am tomorrow)
Stop fighting (it’s not music to my ear, ok!)

**sigh**

Why do I always have to do that? Why can’t I be like my Mak? All my 42 years, I can swear that Mak has never even once pinched me. Never raised her voice at me. Never smacked my behind. Never scolded me.

So why am I doing to my girls what Mak has never done to me? Why do I have this little patience in me?

Am I a bad mother? Is my way of teaching my children a wrong way? Do I lack parenting skills?

Then at lunch, while nursing my cephalalgia, I stumbled upon this website. Parentsbehavingbadly.com. Gosh...that’s EVIL. With a Capital E in bold. I just can’t imagine any parent could do that to their children. It’s unthinkable and totally crazy!

What happened there actually? Some wires in the 3lb got short-circuit?

**sigh**

Somewhere along the line, some of us forgot that our children are the gifts from God. Amanah Allah untuk setiap ibubapa. As parents, we have to nurture them to become good human beings. Nurturing will include not only by providing them with the basic needs such as food, lodging and education – unwavering love, TLC, huggings and kisses, etc etc should also be packaged together.

And I’m sure Ayah and I have done all that. So why was I so cranky last night (and this morning)?

Then it hit me.

There’s nothing wrong with my Hanna, Hasya and Haifa. And there’s nothing wrong with me either. That’s how growing children behave... that’s part of the growing up thingy. And how I felt was pretty much normal to some parents with this level of patience in them. So my Mak has a higher degree of patience, thus no screaming at her children from her. Unlike me. But it’s okay coz I know I’m a good Ibu to all my children. I’ve done my best in my children’s upbringings.

And I know that their growing up era will definitely be colorful ones. I just hope that I’ll be there for them all the time...

Hmmhh.. It was like yesterday when I felt them endearingly small in my arms...

Patience, Hasya and I

I salute all the TEACHERS in the world. God made them full of patience and endurance. My father was a teacher. He started teaching when he was 14. Back then people started working at a very young age. He told us that he started giving his Mak (my Tok) her monthly allowance when he first started working. Until now, he still continues giving Tok the allowance eventhough he's now a pensioner at 71. Tok is nearing 90 (or already in her 90s?) and is still healthy and steady. Slow, but steady. She doesn't have any sickness whatsoever, except for her occasional 'sakit lutut' which she can still manage.

I definitely CAN'T be a teacher/lecturer/instructor. Why? Because I don't have the patience. I could teach a person once or twice. But when it comes to the third or more attempt, you'd hear my voice as far as Uzbekistan.. Yup, I was that bad. My children have been the 'victims' thus far. And I thought they're already used to hearing me blaring my horn, but I was wrong. Hasya - my 4th baby - who's going to be 9 in November - is still as sensitive as she's always been...

I made her cry last night...

Hasya scored straight A's in her March exam, all except Mathematics. Ayah always said that she took up after me for not being good in Math, (he..he.. perasanlah tu...) But I said I was an A student too. Anyway, after getting the March results, I had a heart-to-heart talk with Hasya. I gave her the guidelines and begged her to to ask me whenever she was in doubt. I told her that I wouldn't push her and trusted her to come and see me if she had any questions regarding Maths. I said I'd be very pleased if she could do just that. But she never asked me, and I assumed that she had everything under control.

During Sekolah Kebangsaan exam week, Hasya's style of studying will always be 10mins of reading and 30mins downstairs drinking or listening to CDs like Mila, Adam, Rossa, High School Musical or Vanessa Hudgens. She'll come up to her room after being reminded of tomorrow's exam. Then she'll slip downstairs again and play with Baby Hanis or just watch TV. At 10pm, when all her other siblings are in their beds, she'll stay in her room and study up until 12am. She knows that I'd allow her to ponteng the morning session of Sekolah Agama during exam week at Sekolah Kebangsaan. So she can Stay Up Late and Wake Up Late.. bestnya, she'll say..

But last night, when I checked on her Maths revision paper given by her Maths teacher... I was very shocked to see her answers. She got a nearly-all wrong answers! I was so frustrated with her and started to teach her... and she still couldn't get it. That's when I raised my voice. Not once. Not twice.. And that's when Hasya cried. Right then, I started thinking - What a bad mother I am... For God's sake, Hasya's only 8+ and I made her cry! I asked her to clean up and go to bed.

I was awake at 3am and suddenly had the urge to see Hasya. So she slept crying.. this I know because her pillow was wet. I hugged her in the darkness of the night and whispered "Sorry ya Hasya... I love you but I made you cry...You'll do your best ok..". In her sleep, she smiled at me.

You know I love you Hasya... you just have to be patient with me.. :)