Thursday, May 22, 2008

Patience, Hasya and I

I salute all the TEACHERS in the world. God made them full of patience and endurance. My father was a teacher. He started teaching when he was 14. Back then people started working at a very young age. He told us that he started giving his Mak (my Tok) her monthly allowance when he first started working. Until now, he still continues giving Tok the allowance eventhough he's now a pensioner at 71. Tok is nearing 90 (or already in her 90s?) and is still healthy and steady. Slow, but steady. She doesn't have any sickness whatsoever, except for her occasional 'sakit lutut' which she can still manage.

I definitely CAN'T be a teacher/lecturer/instructor. Why? Because I don't have the patience. I could teach a person once or twice. But when it comes to the third or more attempt, you'd hear my voice as far as Uzbekistan.. Yup, I was that bad. My children have been the 'victims' thus far. And I thought they're already used to hearing me blaring my horn, but I was wrong. Hasya - my 4th baby - who's going to be 9 in November - is still as sensitive as she's always been...

I made her cry last night...

Hasya scored straight A's in her March exam, all except Mathematics. Ayah always said that she took up after me for not being good in Math, (he..he.. perasanlah tu...) But I said I was an A student too. Anyway, after getting the March results, I had a heart-to-heart talk with Hasya. I gave her the guidelines and begged her to to ask me whenever she was in doubt. I told her that I wouldn't push her and trusted her to come and see me if she had any questions regarding Maths. I said I'd be very pleased if she could do just that. But she never asked me, and I assumed that she had everything under control.

During Sekolah Kebangsaan exam week, Hasya's style of studying will always be 10mins of reading and 30mins downstairs drinking or listening to CDs like Mila, Adam, Rossa, High School Musical or Vanessa Hudgens. She'll come up to her room after being reminded of tomorrow's exam. Then she'll slip downstairs again and play with Baby Hanis or just watch TV. At 10pm, when all her other siblings are in their beds, she'll stay in her room and study up until 12am. She knows that I'd allow her to ponteng the morning session of Sekolah Agama during exam week at Sekolah Kebangsaan. So she can Stay Up Late and Wake Up Late.. bestnya, she'll say..

But last night, when I checked on her Maths revision paper given by her Maths teacher... I was very shocked to see her answers. She got a nearly-all wrong answers! I was so frustrated with her and started to teach her... and she still couldn't get it. That's when I raised my voice. Not once. Not twice.. And that's when Hasya cried. Right then, I started thinking - What a bad mother I am... For God's sake, Hasya's only 8+ and I made her cry! I asked her to clean up and go to bed.

I was awake at 3am and suddenly had the urge to see Hasya. So she slept crying.. this I know because her pillow was wet. I hugged her in the darkness of the night and whispered "Sorry ya Hasya... I love you but I made you cry...You'll do your best ok..". In her sleep, she smiled at me.

You know I love you Hasya... you just have to be patient with me.. :)


Superwomanwannabe said...

Hi DDI- bloghopping from MrsN's- enjoying reading your posts I have 4 girls and a boy and I totally get what you go through....its hard to know the right thing to do as a mom..kan?

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Hi superwomanwannabe,
Juz saw your comment..., TQ for dropping in..

Yeah.. you're right.. sometimes we thought what we did was right.. but then it turned out to be wrong...

Asam garam kehidupan seorang ibu..