Friday, July 23, 2010

Patience, my girls :)

This time my Hasya and my Haifa managed to practically act on how to be truly patient. They learned how it felt to wait for something they really wanted to happen. They also learned how to maintain their cool with their friends whenever the topic they so badly wanted to hear was brought up. They managed the stressful period of 1-week so well. Kudos Hasya and Haifa!

Yes – they so badly wanted to watch Eclipse! But their Ayah and Ibu told them that they could only watch the movie when my Hanna’s back for the weekend break. Of courselah I could bring them to watch the movie when it was out and watch it again later with Hanna, but it wouldn’t be fun for Hanna to watch it with people who’d blurt out what the next scene would be like!

Hahahaha...I’m proud of you girls!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

To Raihana

To my beautiful friend, my confidante,
I know it’s hard for you to accept what’s happening in your life right now. The life you thought would be void of cruelty and madness. I know it’s even harder for you to wear that fake smile to show the world that you’re not hurting. I know it hurts, dear. It hurts so bad that even I can feel your pain.

If only we could go back to change things to the way we want them to happen. If only that could be done. Mistakes are made, I know, but it depends on how they happened. How severe those mistakes were. How ugly the actions were that you’d want to puke and cringe just thinking about them.. How dirty the mistakes were that they can’t be erased with anything....

Except TAUBAT.

Only taubat will be the answer. But the person who made those mistakes will have to give his all. But did he? Or will he? After all these years, and after all those so-called mistakes, will he change?

I know you’re a giver, dear. You’re the kind of person who’d give the shirt off her back. You believe that people can change for the better. You’re willing to take the risk. Thus you ignored everything around you. The others who love you. Those who care for you. Those who’re part of you in the whole episodes of your life.

Sigh. There are so many things I want to say to you. But I just don’t want to lose you.


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hanna & MRSM

I was cleaning my drawer last night when I saw 6 movie ticket stubs. We watched the movie last year at Sunway Pyramid and I still remember one incident while queuing up to get that tickets. I was waiting with my Hanna when she recognized this guy in the same queue.
She went “Ibu, itu Sam Bunkface!”
I asked her, “Are you sure?”
“Very sure lah Ibu!” came the answer.
So I went like “You really want to buy his CD, so why don’t I ask him?”
“Jangaaaan Ibu.... malu!”

Hahaha.. I was just bluffing and there Hanna was – trying to make herself invisible for having a daring mom like me! I saw her face reddened. My God, my 11+ yo daughter really thought I was gonna embarrass her!

Since Sam and his pretty girlfriend were like two feet away when the line went the corner, I sakat Hanna some more... I whispered “Let me take his picture with my phone. You definitely wanna post this in FB and Myspace”

“Jangaaaaaan IBUuuuuuu.. pleeeeeezz nooooo”, and she turned away.... Malu for sure.. so I said “Oklah”. But I did snap twice when they were waiting for their popcorns. I know Hanna would like to tayang to her two sisters – Hasya and Haifa later on.

Alahai... Teringat my Hanna... who is now away from me in a boarding school up north since end of March. Sigh. I miss you. Double sigh.

You see, when she took the UPSR exam last year, just to be ‘fair’ I told her that she’d only be applying for MRSM, and not other schools. So I didn’t get online to apply for SBP for her. When the UPSR results were out, I have to fulfill my promise, so with a heavy heart I filled out the MRSM form for her and send it to MARA (hoping that she wouldn’t get in!)

The MRSM results came out in February 2010 and she wasn’t selected. I was happy – Yay! I gotta keep my baby at home! Hanna was ok, since initially she didn’t give much thought about MRSM anyway. She was happy with her friends and the school that she went was just around the corner. Unlike some of my friends who appealed to MARA, we didn’t. I just told her, “It’s all fated that you didn’t get to go to MRSM. Remember Allah knows what’s best for you”.

It was a month later when Dear Hubby called me in the office telling me that somebody from MRSM called him and asked him to check MARA’s website regarding Hanna. I was surprised to see the online offer letter from MRSM and that she had to register at the MRSM in less than two weeks. She was included in the second intake for Form One students to be enrolled in one MRSM up north.

That was a tough decision to make. Should I let her go? How about the classes she’s been taking like swimming, taekwondo, piano, squash and the guitar lesson she’s just started? Would she be ok like me when I was 12+ ... finding my way in MRSM Kulim in 1979? Would she find great friends like I did? Would she learn the many tastes of life like I had?

My friends in FB gave their opinions... so did my parents and my siblings. There were pros and cons... but mostly pros. Most would say that it would be for her future. Her education. So that the path for her to go on will be there once she finishes high school. But I knew then that whatever it was, it would all be up to me to decide since Hanna herself couldn’t decide. The thing was, I’ve always told myself, ever since the kids were just babies.. that I would never let the children leave the house until they’re done with their SPM and further their studies elsewhere. Not in a million years would I send them to boarding schools!

It was a Yes and No decisions in the next 4 days... until one day, while on our way to Kluang to see my MIL, Dear Hubby and I discussed (again!) and he said something like “It’s kinda funny to me when you don’t want Hanna to go to MRSM and yet you were schooled there. You should know how great it was.”

Yes, I had been selfish. I wanted her with me.. just because. So what should I say to her now that she’s got the offer? What about “It’s all fated that you did get to go to MRSM. Remember Allah knows what’s best for you?”

So I decided to let her go. She’s now away from me in her MRSM. It’s tough you know, especially during birthdays when she wasn’t around to share the birthday cakes. Like going to the cinema to catch a good film. Or eating her favorite food and drinking her favorite drink. Or walking passed her favorite store in a mall. All would always come to “Hanna sure will love this”.

It’s been more than 3 months since, and I’m getting used to her not being around the house now. I can’t remember how many trips we’ve made up north to visit her or how many phone calls she made to me. She learns how to take care of her things now - washes her own clothes, gets up in the mornings on her own, tidies her own bed and locker, sweeps the floor, irons her clothes and manages her own time. These are all new to her since at home these are all done by the maid.

Everytime I see her, she looks more mature than my previous visit. But I guess she’s still pretty much smitten with Sam Bunkface..hahahaha...

** We love you Hanna! Take care of yourself, ok?