Monday, May 25, 2009

Admit and Apologize

I wonder why it is so hard for some people to admit or apologize for their mistakes. I mean, if you were to borrow something from a person, it would be expected of you to return the item in the same condition when it was taken. Especially when the lender already told you of the do’s and don’ts in caring for that item. It’s your responsibility to follow the advice so that nothing bad would happen to the borrowed item.

If you spoilt the item, do admit your mistakes and apologize to the owner.. and at least make lah an attempt to compensate, although in most cases would be denied by the owner.

For example, say these:

“Sorry aaa... I tried to mend this thing but I couldn’t make it work. Please tell me how much this cost so that I could buy you a new one”

OR

“Sori. Could you please try to correct this? If you can’t, let me know so that I can pay you the amount you paid for that in the first place, or at least half the price”

OR

“I’m so sorry I did this. I must have spoilt it last nite when I was out collecting some cow dung in the paddy field which was so muddy after a heavy rain the evening before. But I’ll pay you back with the money I got from selling the cow dung”

Sorry, the last one was exaggerated unintentionally.

The lender would then say this, with only a tint of regret :
"I know you didn’t mean to spoil it. It’s OK. I’ll see what I can do. Thanx anyway”. (read : thanx for admitting, but hey, I don't want your money)

But since that person never said any of the three above, we’d have to get into that person's mind to get this out. Here’s the person's unspoken version:

"I know we don’t know each other well. In fact I think I’m only just one of the familiar faces you see around. But I still wanted to borrow this thing from you coz I liked what you have. I know you told me to take care of it coz it was quite fragile.

But I SWEAR to you, I didn’t spoil it. I did nothing at all, it just happened. I know that when I brought it home for one night, it was in a good condition but I SWEAR to you I didn’t know why it was spoilt. I tried to ‘unspoil’ it but I guess by doing that, it got worse. See, it's now totally spoilt, thanx to my effort.

Sorry lah you can never use it again. I suggest you find the solution to make it right, coz it was yours to begin with pun. Use your own money and don’t you dare asking me to compensate coz I didn’t spoil it!"

So who did it? Martha Stewart?

Some people just don’t have the common sense. A non-living thing don't spoil by itself, OK? C'mmon, we're not talking about an apple here. I know the thing cost less than a hundred, but where were your manners? Couldn't admit your mistake, could you?

My friends warned me not to layan that person anymore. But me being me, still do that. I just don’t know how to totally ignore a person. And you know what, that person never asked for the update on the spoilt thing. To him/her, it's water under the bridge.

Now I have to get me a new one. Or get it repaired.

Or perhaps I should just throw it away.

Sigh.

34 comments:

Salt N Turmeric said...

Kak Ja, memang ada orang jenis camtu. tengok barang orang lain yg dia tak mampu tapi ada hati nak, dah pinjam, rosakkan pastu tak nak mengaku. Trust me, ppl macam tu lah yg will always try to borrow your things one after another and almost always rosakkan those things.

yus said...

hi Ja,
i am trying to understand the situation here. mungkin org tu ingat you tak kisah benda2 dunia ni dan boleh beli lain anytime. Isy..kalau I jd u,I memang buat tak kenal langsung lah lepas tu (mola nak jirus petrol ni).Tengok pun mcm tembus je.In short, hey, I don't know that you ever exist.Shooo...

MAMAMIA said...

Somebody told me once " Never a Lender Nor a Borrower be..."

Next time, kalau org tu nak pinjam lagi barang, cakap aje tak boleh...

Tapi I know, it's just our nature, susah nak cakap 'No'..

cekmekzue said...

Salam Ja, mine lagi best, pinjam, dulu , lepas tu buat harta, barang kita sayang pulak tu...kita pun tak sempat baca lagi, okay...it's a book, bukan sebarang buku, my fav author, hard cover lagi u , ...huhu...apa nak buat, redha je lah, barang dunia boleh cari,mungkin dia lupa...out of curiousity, barang ape ja? sabar je la...

yus said...

Ja, kena buka fail siasatan nih..
Q: "who did it?"
A: The butler did it! hahah..tak pasai2 Martha Stewart yg kena...
Zue, bab pinjam buat harta sendiri ni satu lagi masalah besaq manusia atas mukabumi ni. Kalau nak buka forum sure berhari2 tak habis nak cerita. Setuju Ja?

Mum and Roses said...

Ibu
If me, I would exaggerate crying and sighs and sobs in front of that person over the damaged item, make her/him feel bad.If that doesn't work, I guess he/she just muka tebal.

min said...

deep.... so deep....

edelweiss said...

Dear...

i know it is hard to say no....but to certain extend u have to do it.
Insyallah...things will be better right after.

mamasita said...

Tell the person frankly of course sweetly that the item that he or she wants to borrow is locked in the storeroom..keys with your hubby..fahamlah dia nanti!
Or husband you tak bagi pinjamkan anything to anybody! hahaha
Kesian your other half! hahaha

Ibunim said...

mmmm..sounds familiar..well Ja , we are the nice guys who cannot say no. But I've also learnt the hard way..so many of my stuff jadi hak borrower. Mom pun got the same problem...especially with the neighbours..pinjam barang,lepas tu buat macam harta sendiri..You dont have to ignore the person but keep mentioning to the person about the damaged goods until it burnt his/her ears...sur dia tak punjam lagi..

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Dear Farina,
Ini first time (that I can rememberlah)I encountered benda mcm ni. Usually yg terdamagekan barang I selalunya akan apologize and offer to pay back. Dan selalunya I akan tolak baik2.

Memang jenis orang mcm tu kot. Hmmhh....

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Hi Yus!
Yang geramnya, a few weeks before tu dia dah kias2 dah. Finally dia mintak nak pinjam. And all those weeks I dah mentioned kat dia yg this thing is very sensitive, especially kat one particular part tu.

Tengok2 kat part tu yg dia rosakkan! Dan tak mengaku pulak tu! I siap kata kat dia, mesti you did something sampai jadi macam tu, tapi mati2 dia tak mengaku. Pelik tak? Takkanla benda tu jadi sendiri.

Memang nak tenung sampai tembus pun.. tapi tak sampai hati lah pulak...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Betul tu Mamamia... it's not our nature to say no. Tapi rasanya in this particular case, kalau dia nak pinjam sekali lagi, I akan mintak dia sign agreement kot..hahaha!

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Hi Zue,
My sister and my Mak selalu jadi mangsa pinjam-barang-tapi-tak-pulang-balik ni. My sis selalu dgn buku dia... orang pinjam tapi tak pulang balik.

I memang jenis sayang buku... I have more than 200 novels at home. Siap ada booklist lagi, kalau sapa nak pinjam I akan letak note.... macam library ;P

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Betui tu Yus... macam2 kisah akan timbui. Tapi mungkin kadang2 tu mungkin orang tu lupa. So kena peringatlah. Tapi kalau tak berapa penting tu... kena halal sajalah kan?

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Dear Mum and Roses,
I think dia jenis yg muka tebal. Kalau tak, dia akan perasan yg I was avoiding dia. Ni siap boleh datang nak sembang lagi.. lepas tu sikit pun tak tanya - benda tu dah ok tak.

I think memang ada jenis org yang mcm tu ...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Deep Min..very deep..hehehe...

You goin' on the 13th? I tak sure lah sebab we already have plans...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Salam edelweiss,
Saying no tu yg susah kan? But at least I have a reason to do so with the same person in future.

I dah tak 'berbulu' dah dengan dia. I already got myself a new one..hahaha!

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Dear Mamasita,
Good Idea! Mesti tak berani punya sebab all my colleagues kenai my hubby!

I did the same thing pasal guarantor. My hubby tak bagi I jadi guarantor dah, so I'd tell them nicely. Ada sorang tu siap muncung2 lagi bila I cakap mcm tu. And you know what - she was my boss! (Now dah ex-boss) Terus dia pandang I 'semacam' lepas tu...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Dear Kak Anim,
I remember the Bee Gees collection you worked hard to get when you were in London. It must be heartbreaking to get them back with all the tapes berkedut2/bergulung2 like that.

I understand the feeling of seeing something we cherish being damaged by another person. Tak kisah mahai ka murah.

I remember when I was in AAD Kuantan, ada orang pinjam my cassette.. bila dia pulangkan dah rosak. Mesti tape tu got stuck kat player dia. I was so upset, I just threw that cassette away. Lagi tengok lagi sakit hati, so better buang & geram tu simpan dalam hati saja. Malas nak cari pasal...

yus said...

adoi..Ja,
nak teka lah apa benda allah yg you duk cerita ni...tapi takdak idea.
I remember my only sandal masa studying kat ITM dulu. bila nak pakai tgk2 takdak. rupanya dormmate pakai pi bandar, tak cakap pulak tu.Hangat ati sungguh. Pas tu tunggu punya tunggu, dia balik senyap2, bawak balik new pair of sandals. susun elok2 kat tempat kasut I dan tak cakap apa2 jugak.Member lain yg bagitau that sandal I putus masa kawan yg pakai tu jatuh longkang kat bandar. Dia terus pi beli lain buat ganti. Hah..tu la...Tuhan bayag cash ooo...

wanshana said...

Ja,

Kena sabaq dengan oghang macam ni, even though memang cannot tahan...

I can't remember being in a same/similar situation, but I do remember an incident more than 20 years ago when my Dad gaduh besar with a family member.

Reason being that person "pinjam" video cassettes from our neighbour. Masa tu tengah sibuk khenduri kawin my sister and the neighbour offered their house kalau sedara mara nak lepak during day time tu. This person ni helped himself to the video cassetes without asking the tuan rumah - siap bawak balik rumah dia lagi! My Dad tegur and asked him to return them back, and that person mengamuk saying awatlah my dad sibuk sangat because the cassetes were not his pun! Ada ka?!

Anyway, memang ada orang yang tak ada conscience about all these. Pelik betul...

yus said...

wan shana, hie!...isy isy isy...ada jugak manusia mcm tu ye? barulah terasa betapa 'mere'nya my sandal case tu. baik hati jiran you tu kan, tapi dibalas racun pulak. patutla your dad mengamuk besar.Mana dia nak letak muka, kan? I can understand his predicament. Sedih ya bila benda2 out of our control mcm ni jadi...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Hahaha Yus! This is really funny... dah lah jatuh longkang, kena beli yg baru pulak kat you...

Nasib baik you tak beli sandal tu kat Paris ka, kalau tidak jenuh dia meghaban nak kena cari!

Ni mesti dah ada sipi2 penangan 'tuanku murka' nih...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Dear Shana,
That story is a unique one. Dah la free dok lepak kat rumah orang, siap boleh 'shopping2' lagi kat situ. Mak aiii...

I wonder how your dad managed to get those cassettes back. And he must have apologized sungguh2 to his neighbor. Example of a case where orang yg tak bersalah yg rasa guilty and segan.

And I hope that guy realized his wrongdoings. Isshhh....

yus said...

Ja,
you should see how deep the longkang was. Lepas I dpt tau kat mana the exact point my dormmate tu jatuh, tiap2 kali lalu area town tu (Sitiawan), I mesti jenguk longkang tu. Dalammmm oo..I duk senyum2 gak bila imagine kaki dia terperlus sampai ke paha you.Memang luka habis paha dia. Dia kata sakit tak rasa, sbb malu sgt2 kat org ramai yg duk witnessed. turun2 bas terus kaki terperlus lubang slab longkang. I rasa mmg sebab daulat Mahsuri kut...don't play2..Ja.Tu la, u balik keluag kat kodiang. I keluag kat Langkawi...chewaah..dapat la sikit2 tempias mahsuri tu :)

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Yus,
Sakitnya... I boleh imagine macamana dia rasa - sakit+malu! Tapi rasanya malu tu mengatasi segalanya, especially tengah dok anak2 dara gitu....

yus said...

Ja,
Imagine sebelah kaki juntai sampai paha dlm lubang longkang, sebelah lagi atas jalan.memang tgh anak dara trang tang tang masa tu, i think it was in 1985-86 kut. anyway, lepas tu takdak sapa berani pakai sandal I lagi. hahahah...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Yus, Depa takut kena timpa daulat tu!

yus said...

hahaha..gerun kut..btw you tak mau try pakai sandal I ka? :p

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

ishh..tak nak lah I.. Tua-tua ni kalau jatuh longkang dalam macam tu takut tercabut kepala lutut pulak! Silap2 terus gol!

wanshana said...

Yus and Ja,

My Dad asked from that person baik-baik, and that person yang mula mengamuk with him! My Dad ni memang jenis tak suka bising-bising, so he just lectured sedikit sebanyak, while trying to keep his cool, and just walked away.

The next day, that person came to our house and dia campak aje the cassettes ke lantai and went off! Memang pelik betul perangai - ni jenis memang tak boleh ditegur langsung.

Memang kalau tengok, hidup his family porak peranda pun until now.

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

OMG Shana! He just threw the cassettes ke lantai macam tu?

This is one of the cases jenis orang yg tak sedar diri tu sendiri yg salah. Jenis yg asyik suka blame orang lain for his mistakes.

Susah betul nak deal dgn org macam ni. Nasib baik jumpa org penyabar macam father you. Kalau kena yg tak sabar tu, dah bukak silat cekak dah agaknya!

yus said...

Betul Shana..DDi said exactly what I had in mind. Syukur father you jenis penyabar (mcm father I lah tu). Kalau I dah lama berbunga2 silat kuntau I menepis dan menepuk paha sendiri.