Friday, July 11, 2008

My Ramblings on Parenting

I was feeling out of sorts earlier today. Nothing I did seemed right. Even a simple SQL statement didn’t extract the correct data. And the network wasn’t functioning well - intermittent all morning. Crap. And when the network was slow, the users would start complaining. Your system’s slow. As if they didn’t know the reasons. It was the network, dammit, my system had nothing to do with it, ok!

Oopps.. sorry for my language... I guess I got carried away with this morning’s mood I was in. It all started last night when I got pretty mad at my Hanna, Hasya and Haifa. Sometimes they just don’t listen. I hate the yellings that I have to make every single day –

Wash your hands (after playing with the bugs and what nots in the garden)
Take your shower (before 7:30pm)
Play your piano (exam’s around the corner)
Go to Sleep (c'mon, I’ve got to wake you up at 5:45am tomorrow)
Stop fighting (it’s not music to my ear, ok!)

**sigh**

Why do I always have to do that? Why can’t I be like my Mak? All my 42 years, I can swear that Mak has never even once pinched me. Never raised her voice at me. Never smacked my behind. Never scolded me.

So why am I doing to my girls what Mak has never done to me? Why do I have this little patience in me?

Am I a bad mother? Is my way of teaching my children a wrong way? Do I lack parenting skills?

Then at lunch, while nursing my cephalalgia, I stumbled upon this website. Parentsbehavingbadly.com. Gosh...that’s EVIL. With a Capital E in bold. I just can’t imagine any parent could do that to their children. It’s unthinkable and totally crazy!

What happened there actually? Some wires in the 3lb got short-circuit?

**sigh**

Somewhere along the line, some of us forgot that our children are the gifts from God. Amanah Allah untuk setiap ibubapa. As parents, we have to nurture them to become good human beings. Nurturing will include not only by providing them with the basic needs such as food, lodging and education – unwavering love, TLC, huggings and kisses, etc etc should also be packaged together.

And I’m sure Ayah and I have done all that. So why was I so cranky last night (and this morning)?

Then it hit me.

There’s nothing wrong with my Hanna, Hasya and Haifa. And there’s nothing wrong with me either. That’s how growing children behave... that’s part of the growing up thingy. And how I felt was pretty much normal to some parents with this level of patience in them. So my Mak has a higher degree of patience, thus no screaming at her children from her. Unlike me. But it’s okay coz I know I’m a good Ibu to all my children. I’ve done my best in my children’s upbringings.

And I know that their growing up era will definitely be colorful ones. I just hope that I’ll be there for them all the time...

Hmmhh.. It was like yesterday when I felt them endearingly small in my arms...

14 comments:

suealeen said...

ha'ah kan... cepat je panas hati tengok aksi2 mereka. yang kecik2 ni ada jugak hal sendiri. conteng dinding. mula sama paras dia je... pastu panjat bakul, conteng tinggi sket... conteng dengan crayon la pulak tu. tak cukup pi conteng sofa.. hahaha..

tapi selalunya saya akan end kan dengan mood gembira. macam tadi, masa saya ajar anak saya tu menulis ABC, as a punishment kena tulis satu muka surat penuh. mula kecik2 pastu makin besar. ended up, saya ambik kertas tu lukis kartun pada huruf yang anak saya tulis tu & kami sama-sama ketawa...

ummu asiah said...

Ja..
same here..selalu geram and hilang sabar..memang selalu teringat masa kita kecik2...memang jarang kena marah and also jarang sekali bergaduh dgn adik beradik lain kan..my mak pun selalu tegok kat my childrens.."dulu masa umi kecik2 tak pernah pun dok bergaduh dgn mak teh, mak uda, mak njang ..." la ni dok berkelai selalu..tu yg paling hilang sabaq...kena pula kita ni memang sgt sedikit kesabarannya..nanti dah remaja lain pulak kisahnya...serghiauuuu

jabishah said...

Hi Kak Ja,
You're not alone & am glad to know that I'm not alone either! Mmg diorg ni... my screaming is like music to their ears, that's for sure. There were a few times I broke down after whacking them. But I did that in the privacy of my bedroom.
I don't work, lagi lah mengada diorg ni... Semua nak mama aturkan. Grrr... But my helper kata, klu I takda they can be quite disciplined. Attention seeking? Hello... 24/7 kat rumah pun nak attention jgk ke? Manja sebenarnye but I always do my best tak nak bagi muka.
Take care.

wanshana said...

Ja,

Don't feel bad - all parents do that to a certain extent. If not, agaklah tidak normal, I would say :)

Sometimes we're not prepared mentally for the changes that our kids go through as they're growing up. We expect them to behave like the angelic and sweet 2 year old until they're 20 years old. Boleh?!

Tambah-tambah pulak if one has quite a number of kids ranging from, say 15 years to 2 years, and one has to adjust one's approach to disciplining each of the children according to their ages... Mau tak pening and/or tension?!

So, don't be hard on yourself. All parents face the same thing.

Peesha said...

Hi Kak Ja (baru tau nak pangge apa .. )

Hm... I blum ada anak ... tp used to babysit anak member, anak sedare dan anak2 kucin ...

When they throw thier tantrums, I pun sama naik hangin ... last2, tak kira, anak sapa, semua kena .. Yang pelik, semua masih nak kepit dgn Caca ni ... garangku tidak memberi kesan .. huhu!!

Kesabaran.

patut la agaknya Allah belum izin I dapat semua ni ... sebab tak sabag! Hoh!

Anyway ... have a nice day ...

U.Lee said...

Hello Ibu, It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.
We can't tell our children to reach for the sun. All we can do is reach for it, ourselves.

You have a great week, and have fun being a mother...it's children that makes mothers what they are, ha ha. Lee.

MAMAMIA said...

Alahai Ja... With 6 children, u shd be proud of yourself. Allah mengamanah kan u dgn 6 kids, becoz He knows u have the capabilities to do so.

Jerit2, & bebel2 tu biasalah...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Salam Ela,
Creative kan budak2 ni... kita pun tak terpikir yang belakang pintu is the best spot for mural activities.. hehe...

It's good that you've found a way to balance up yg marah2 tu with laughter!

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Chit... agaknya kita dulu2 kena bagi minum ayaq tali pusat kot..hehehe...

Jokes aside, I think the pressure that the kids and parents have now is triple than 40 years ago... Ha! Tuanya kita no...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Ja... I think, to a child - a stay-home mom is like eating chocolates.. ketagih. Anak-anak lagilah melekat bawah ketiak... sayang & manja... sebab tu they can't get enuff of you altho' you're home with them...

I realized that everytime I was on leave, my kids will stick to me like leeches, only they don't suck the blood out of me, juz the energy. So by the end of the day, I'd be drained out of it!

Tapi worth it kan? Kak Ja ni, kalau deep-pocket, ndak lah jadi lady of leisure macam Ja... Boleh masak sedap2 macam your food blog tu. Everytime I visit your blog, I'd have to wear a bib..he.he..

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Shana,
TQ for the sound advice dear. I guess it all comes to the same thing - all parents want the best for their kids.

Yes, the journey in parenting has its ups and downs. And Patience is a must on a parent's resume. The only thing that we can't avoid are the scary thoughts of the 'what-ifs' that the future might hold... Takutnya.. .

One thing that we can do besides do'a is to be prepared for the journey...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Peesha dear,
Bukan sebab tak sabaq, sebab tak dak rezeki lagi..

Bila dah ada nanti... silap-silap dah tak reti nak marah lagu mana... hehehe...tu dia!

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Dear Lee,
TQ.. I've never thought of that!

I guess you're right, as time goes by, parents do grow together with their children. And all the experiences will heighten the level of parent-child bondings...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Hi mamamia,
Terlebih biasalah tu sampai menjerit2..lol!

I'm currently in my no-screaming regime...started 3 days ago.

Hope it will last at least a week..hehe..