Thursday, June 26, 2008

**Sigh**

I’ve been an unofficial counselor to my friends since my high school days... And during those days it would forever be about relationships with boyfriends, bestfriends, boyfriends, bestfriends, studies, boyfriends and boyfriends... Talking about varieties :P

University days – not so much counseling there. My high school and AAD friends were scattered all around the globe and in those days only snail mails and telephones were the means of communications. Once in a while, I’d be getting late night phone calls and letters in my mailbox. Some sob stories here and there… which were mostly manageable.

Last night my maid Nani confided in me about the problem she’s having with her eldest son. Idul is 21 and has a girlfriend around his age. And very pregnant. With his child.

Since they’re from different religions, the girl’s willing to convert. Nani’s families & relatives in Indon have been trying to marry them off .. but the girl’s parents hated the idea. Despite umpteenth persuasions made, they still didn’t yield.

Nani was afraid they’d abort the baby. She warned the couple not to commit another sin.

I’ll take care of my grandchild. Just don’t kill the baby.

And now she’s uncertain about the fate of the unborn child. What if they decide to end the pregnancy?

Frankly, I didn’t know what to say to her. I just told her to ask her relatives to keep on pressuring the parents to allow the couple to get married. At least, for the sake of the baby.

Nani was worried, that I know. But it would’ve affected her even more if the girl were to be her daughter. Then the whole thing would be different. Chaos would only be used to describe it mildly...

Then I thought about GIRLS. My girls and other parents’ daughters. There’s only so much you can do with your children. Education - worldly or spiritually – love, protection and all kinds of supports can be served to them on the platter, but in the end, it’s still up to them to decide for themselves.

Teringat pepatah Melayu ”Menjaga lembu sekandang lebih mudah dari menjaga seorang anak perempuan..”

....sigh....

20 comments:

Salt & Turmeric said...

kak Ja, if the girl is very pregnant,mana boleh abort kan?

ZLAA said...

Seram dengarq. Hopefully masalah ni boleh solve dengan baik.

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Farina, I'm not sure how many months she's into the pregnancy... I really hope the baby'll be ok...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Zlaa, nasib baik la si Nani tu x termenung sana-sini.. kalau x, haru jugak tu...

U.Lee said...

Hi Ibu, this is one subject I'll stay away, ha ha, no experience.
But its good of you to always offer your shoulder and that is always appreciated, I'm sure.
You keep well, Ibu, Lee.

wanshana said...

Ja,

Pity your maid. But, at least her son is taking full responsibity. But, tu lah kan - his girlfriend is in a limbo now because of her family pulak.

I agree with you. Memang susah nak menjaga anak perempuan ni. I, bab-bab anak perempuan orang getting into trouble, etc. ni, I tak berani nak comment lebih-lebih, coz' I pun ada daughters.

We just can berdoa and do our best to make sure anak-anak kita teguh iman, and dapat menilai yang mana satu baik yang mana satu buruk, Insya Allah...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

U.Lee... I juz can listen to her .. Can't do much.. but pity her..

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Shana,
Exactly that's how I feel. Ayah will always remind me not to 'comment' on other people's daughters - behavior ke, dressing ke - coz we have 5 girls of our own.
One of my colleagues would always tegur 'other people's daughters' ni. One of the eg, this girl was wearing a very low cut jeans. She went on scolding the girl.. "Adik, kalau akak masuk tangan sikit je, dah kena j*b*b adik. Tak malu ke.." Seraam...

suealeen said...

betul tu kak.. jaga sekadang lembu memang lebih mudah dari jaga manusia (unless those bulls mengamuk la!). adik-beradik saya semuanya perempuan & memang mak selalu berderai air mata disebabkan kami. bukan sebab apa... kebanyakannya sebab risaukan safety (specially masa belum kawen). dah kawen lain plak ceritanya.

anak saya yang 1st saya namakan mastura - yang terpelihara dengan harapan bila saya panggil dia dengan nama penuh tu boleh jadi doa yang makbul. zaman dia nanti lagi mencabar. hopefully my daughters can get through it safely & successfully.

MAMAMIA said...

Sometimes when we listen to other people's problems, kita pulak yg mula risau.

I've got 3 girls, & memang rasa it's a heavy responsibility nak jaga amanah Allah ni. InsyaAllah, with our continuous doas, they'd be ok.

IBU said...

You've got 5 girls!!!??? Whoaaa.... syioknyer ....

and yes, I remember the same pepatah about the sekandang lembu tu ranted by my mother when we were growing up. 4 girls out of 6. Pening mak nak jaga... That was then. And I can imagine now the challenges are even tougher. Kadang2 jalan kat KLCC tu, tengok the teenage girls dgn spaghetti strapsnya & jeans londeh nya, hanging out with boys.... seghiauuuuu!!

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Ela,
Betul tu... we don't know the future.. especially zaman anak2 dah besar nanti.. Kalau umur panjang, bolehlah jugak tengok2kan. Sebab tu we give them the education etc now... untuk bekalan kemudian nanti. But still do'a ibu tu yg penting kan..

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Mamamia,
Yes, you're right... Our do'a will make the difference..

BTW, I'm still trying to get Min's contact#... tapi my PI belum bagi report lagi... he..he.. will let you know once I got it ok?

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Ibu,
I pun selalu penin' tengok the girls' dressing... tapi Ayah would always remind me not to comment... takut terlepas cakapkan...

jabishah said...

Hi Kak Ja,
Your ending to this entry caught my attention. Not the sigh.. hehehe but the pepatah. I have 4 girls of my own & mmg selalu doa minta dipelihara Allah dunia akhirat.
Now they are still children. Pejam celik dah teenagers. That's the crucial period. I just hope am wise enough to handle anything that might arise. But Nauzubillah jgnlah tuhan duga dgn masalah like your maid. Kita sama2 doalah kak ja.
Take good care of each other..

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Ja...
Kalau dok ingat the bad things there are in life, mesti tak boleh lena tidur punya... especially bila ingatkan our girls. How they are going to survive bila besar nanti, how to handle problems... etc..etc..
Macam tu lah our mothers dulu kan? Mesti risau habis... hmmhh...

ummu asiah said...

Ja...

tak sangka berjumpa dalam alam blogging ni..bloghop from kak azzah8..

Hilang rindu nak tunggu cerita u dlm our group..now boleh ziarah yr blog for updates...

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Hi Chit!
TQ for dropping by... Dah lama tak jenguk SAS, so tak tau how everybody is. FYI, Azzah8 tu is my first cousin. Her father is my mom's eldest brother... do drop by, ok?

sYaNa said...

i hope they can find a good solution for the problem. i really hope the baby is safe.

jaga anak perempuan susah ... mendidik anak lelaki pun tak kurang susahnya jugak kan?

syana takde anak tapi ini pendapat syana je (me, a woman who wants 6 sons ... hehehe)

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Syana,
Juz saw your comment.. According to Nani, her relatives are still trying to get them married. But I forgot to ask her how many months the pregnancy is.

6 Sons??? Good.... insyaAllah berkat do'a & usaha boleh dapat... I've always wanted twins, sebab sekali beranak keluar dua..he..he..