My Mak

Back in 2009, on Mother’s Day, I wrote a posting on how I felt about my Mak.

How much I loved her. How much she meant to me. How grateful I was for all the things, sacrifices and everything she did for me.

How I loved our at-least-5-times-a-week phone conversations and enjoying every minute of them listening to her stories.

How I appreciated her for lending me her shoulders and ears when I was down. How I valued the tips and advices she gave. How much it truly meant for us in helping us coping with having two special children and during our ups and downs.

How happy I was to see the sparkle in Mak’s eyes or the happiness in her voice everytime she was with good news. And just how painful it was for me to see or hear her cry.

I wrote about the unconditional love she gave, and about why she never once raised her voice to me. How I loved her babying her grown-up children and grandchildren. And how I adored her perfections... and imperfections.

I wrote about how great a cook she was. How I loved her air tangan. Of how contagious her smiles and laughters were. Of how gentle the words she spoke. Of how much I loved her that it hurts.

I remember writing how I wanted her to be there forever for me and my family.

I wanted her to be IMMORTAL. And that I know was simply impossible.

That was when I stopped writing the entry. I just couldn’t fathom the thoughts of not having her anymore in our lives. And it felt rather childish, a 43yo wishing her mom to live forever. Get a grip, I told myself. Nothing lasts forever.

Thus I made this post instead.

How I wish I’ve posted the first entry which I’ve deleted. So that she knew how much she meant to me when she read my blog. How much I loved her.

Now my Mak is gone.

She who meant the world to me. Whom I still need. Whom I never dared to imagine could die, had died.

But Allah knows best. Although it was sudden, we were given the chance to say our goodbyes when she was in a coma. We gave her our hugs and kisses. We held her hands. We talked to her. We recited prayers and gave her our do’as. In her deep sleep we knew she’d be in safe hands when she was ready to leave.

My heart was torn to pieces as I struggled to prepare for her loss.
And within that <60 hours, she left us. Peacefully.

Exactly two months ago.
Thursday 24th November 2011 @ 3:57am.
She was 69. Massive Subarachnoid Hemorrhage.

It was excruciatingly painful to lose someone you love.

But I have accepted everything with my utmost redho.

Innalillahi wainna ilahiroji’un – From Allah We Came and Unto Him is Our Return.


.................... 9th August 1942 - 24th November 2011 ...............

May Allah grant my Mak, DATIN RAHMI JURAU, the highest place in the Jannah. Semoga Mak tenang di sana di samping orang-orang yang Beriman. Amiin.

**To those who still have their Maks, or Ayahs – ‘enjoy’ having them in your lives while you can coz when she/he’s gone, they’re REALLY GONE**

Teringin

It’s already six months since my last posting. I wanted to write but somehow things got in the way, like always. It’s not that I was that busy, since my life routine’s still the same. Although my Hasya and Haifa have stopped going for their swimming classes and squash trainings (equals to more free time), I just couldn’t sit in front of this laptop and type. Blame it on the lazy bug, boleh?

Tonight however I feel like writing…hahaha

I’m now at home. Feeling elated at the thought of seeing my family next week. Up north, where my beloved parents and my siblings/families will be gathered. My Ayah and Mak will be there, and I’d already bought the things that my Ayah… in Kedah-meaning - TERINGIN.

He called me up last few weeks, out of the blues:

"Ja, Ayah baru makan benda ni yang Ja kirim tu.."

(Hmmmh, what did I kirim? I remember I didn’t kirim anything for him thru my nephew Zhafri when he went home for holidays in early April)

"Apa Ayah, Ja tak ingat la.. cuba habaq... "

"Ni yang macam kerepek tu.. dalam plastik.. sedaap ... Ayah tak perasan dok ataih meja… bila rasa, sedap sangat".

"Errr ... apa dia Ayah.. "

"Ayah cari kot Aloq Setaq tak dak pun. Sebab paket plastik dia takdak tulih nama syarikat apa. Macamana nak cari kat sini taktau... "

(Suddenly I remembered... The jajans I gave Zhafri when he came to leave his things from UIA before going back for holidays the next day)

"Oh, tu kerepek macam maruku tu Ayah. Ja beli kat kawan kat ofis. Memang sedap pun. Nanti Ja beli kat Ayah".

"Ha.. yang tu la kot.... nanti hang tulong beli no.."

"Ha, nanti Ja bawak pi cuti nanti naa… "

"Satu lagi, yang biskut yang ada badam tu Ayah beli kat sini tak sedap yang macam yang hang beli... yang sana punya rangup.. "

"Oh tu Biscotti Ayah, nanti Ja order & bawak sana na.. " (dalam hati nak tergelak pun ada)

"Okay na Ja. Terimakasihlah. Kirim salam kat Zaki na..."

"Okay Ayah".

I put down the phone & burst out laughing!

Two simple things that my 74yo father wanted or teringin to eat. Knowing ayah, it took some courage for him to call and ask for these simple things. Like my Mak, he too never asked for anything for us to buy.

I'll bring more than what was in the pics. I only hope I have enough space in the cars for that tho..hahaha :)

Missing my Flight

January’s gone... and now it’s already February. That first month of the year passed me by ever so quickly like a blink of an eye! I’ve been trying to write for quite some time but there were many things that got in the way...errr... a lame excuse huh?

January has been an easy month to begin with, with the kids starting schools, especially my Hanna who is now in a secondary school. I didn’t apply the SBP for her, but I did fill out the MRSM forms and sent them to MARA and ANSARA after her UPSR results was out. Hanna didn’t say anything to me regarding MRSM. We both thought the same thing – just wait and see.

When the result was out online on Feb 1st, I was somehow happy. Happy that she didn’t get accepted! How selfish of me was that? Being an ex-MRSM student myself, I know all the good things and all the benefits that MRSMs have to offer.. but... I just couldn’t shake this relief feeling off me. Well, I could sense that she felt the same way too.

Anyway, something happened to me on Saturday that affirmed “There’s Always a First Time for Everything” saying. I missed my flight home to Alor Setar! Dear Hubby and I were supposed to attend a cousin’s wedding in Kodiang, so the plan was to catch the earliest flight out, and the night flight in. I took my shower at 4:50am that morning and left home before 6am to catch the 7:15am flight. It’d usually take us around 30-35mins to reach LCCT but we were rather ignorant of these issues:
1) Parking at LCCT... uuurghhh.. If you’re not chauffeur-driven there, remember that it takes more than 5mins to find the parking space, get your bags out and lock your car.

2) Park to the nearest entrance to “Pelepasan”, and not “Ketibaan”, ok? When you're in a hurry, remember that every minute counts.

3) The check-in counters with flight destinations displayed are not meant for the above-forty people... like me. You either have to be sharp enough to scan which counter to go (when in a hurry), or use the binoculars while pulling your bag... and oh, remember not to trample on other passengers’ legs/bags while doing so.

So yeah, we couldn’t get on that flight. Although the plane was still there on the tarmac waiting for another 20mins before take-off, we were too late since the doors had been closed – according to the non-smiling PR guy who was supposed to be dealing with ‘public’ like us (I guess these people are trained to be void of emotions, or else they won’t last long in that profession).

And yeah, we didn’t take another flight out. I called up my cousin and apologized profusely for not being able to attend her son’s wedding. I also called my Mak, and was overcome by chagrin when Mak told me that she had cooked a sumptuous breakfast for us and was readying some special meal for us for lunch. Alahaaii.. frustnya.... Next time na Mak?

Whatever it is, I try to look at this episode positively. I believe that Dear Hubby and I were not meant to be on that plane that day. Maybe our seats were destined to be given to other poor souls on the waiting list who had more important things to do back in Alor Setar. Or perhaps I was supposed to attend to other matters that day which include :
1) Hanna’s sports day
2) Hanna’s Anugerah cemerlang UPSR
3) Hasya/Haifa school PIBG
4) Ghazal Party Queen play at Taman Budaya... (another charity event by Killerbatch...remember the Donni story? I’ll blog about this later)

So I'm good. Mesti ada hikmah dari setiap kejadian, right?

Mak's 67th Birthday

Dearest Mak,
Happy 67th Birthday Mak! I hope you have a wonderful day today. Just came back from my teambuilding trip... I really wish I could talk to you earlier this morning, but you know lah - the schedule was too full.

Mak,
Thank you Mak. Thank you for being the best mother that one could ever wish for. Thank you for being with us thru thick and thin. Thank you for lifting us up to your shoulder when we couldn't see. Thank you for the sacrifice you made when you left your career simply because you wanted to take care of us. Thank you.. thank you Mak... thank you sooo much for everything.

(You're so full of Patience, Love and Understanding that sometimes I wonder why I can't have at least a quarter of those traits in me?)

Mak,
My wish for you on your birthday will always be - for you have a great health, a world full of serenity in imaan and mountains of love, happiness and laughters...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAK! I LOVE YOU!

Happy 48th Wedding Anniversary!

Ayah dan Mak tersayang,
Dari hati yang tulus ikhlas, Ja do’akan semoga Ayah dan Mak dipelihara di dalam kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat. Semoga segala yang terbaik - keimanan, kesenangan rezeki, kasih-sayang dan kesihatan – dikurniakan untuk Ayah dan Mak yang sentiasa menjadi tonggak untuk kami, anak-anak.
Dan semoga kehidupan yang dikongsi bersama selama 48 tahun (dan tahun-tahun yang mendatang) akan dirahmati Allah sentiasa.

Tahniah Ayah dan Mak.... Selamat Hari Ulangtahun Perkahwinan yang ke 48!

Anakanda sekeluarga,

Happy Mother's Day!

To all current and future mothers - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

A very special wish for my dearest Mak in Alor Setar – Selamat Menyambut Hari Ibu.

No words could describe how much I appreciate all the things you’ve done for us – your boys and girls. Only Allah could repay what you’ve given us all these while. May you be blessed with a great health, infinite happiness and be embraced in a realm of imaan.


I’m happy that you like the cake that Zue has baked for you.

Thank you Zue for making a splendid cake for my MAK :)


Gambar dicilok dari blog Zue!

Selamat Hari Ulang Tahun ke 71 Ayahanda!

Untuk Ayahanda tercinta

Kiranya bulan bisa bicara
Akan terucaplah kata-kata
Bagaimana anakmu ini
Mengagumimu...

Kiranya angin bisa menyanyi
Akan terdengarlah bait-bait
Bagaimana anakmu ini
Menyayangimu...

Walaupun kemarau curahan rasa
Setiap titik darah di tubuh ini
Tahu... dan Mengerti
Luahan itu cuma suara...

Selamat Ulang Tahun Ayahanda
Semoga dipanjangkan umur
Dimurahkan rezeki
Dipelihara kesihatan
Dipayungi kebaikan
Dijauhi segala kejahatan
Dilimpahi kesenangan dan kasih-sayang
Dikurniakan iman sejati
Diluaskan idea penulisan...

Amiin....

~Dari Anakanda sekeluarga~

Happy 66th Birthday Mak Dearest

Mak,

Happy 66th Birthday! Semoga Mak panjang umur, murah rezeki, diberi kesihatan yang baik, happy happy selalu & dipelihara Allah dalam kebaikan.


You've been there in my everything and I really thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

I love you so much that it hurts...

Happy 47th Anniversary AYAH & Mak!

Selamat Hari Ulangtahun Perkahwinan buat AYAH dan Mak tersayang. Semoga Allah menambahkan keberkatan dan keharmonian di dalam perkahwinan kalian berdua.


Semoga dipanjangkan usia, dimurahkan rezeki, dipelihara Allah dalam keimanan, diberkati dengan kesihatan yang baik, dilindungi dari segala yang tidak baik dan dilimpahi rahmat setiap masa...

Happy, happy me

Yay! Mak and AYAH are coming today! But only for ONE night. And that ONE night will be spent at a hotel in PJ. Alaaaa...frustrated betul! AYAH was asked to participate in a discussion with UM’s Akademi Pengajian Melayu (if I’m not mistaken) tomorrow. On what, I’ve no idea. And all sponsored by them. But the thought of meeting them even for a few hours really boost my spirit today.

The last time Mak was here was in May08, and AYAH back in December07.

After work at 5, Ayah will go fetch them at the hotel and bring them back to our house – have dinner, chit-chat a bit, Mak to try baju raya I bought for her – and then we have to send them back to the hotel tonight.

They’ll be going back to Alor Setar tomorrow evening, but I won’t be able to see or send them home since Haifa will be having her Tadika concert on the same day. That 6yo has been practicing hard every day with her dance that I don’t think we could slip out from the Dewan MPPJ to send Mak and AYAH to the terminal.

Whatever it is, the kids will be ecstatic to see their Tok Mi and Tok Wan today. And I know Hasya will cry again during the parting. She’s very sensitive every time she sees Tok Mi leaving.

And I’ll have quality time with my Mak and AYAH... happy....

Soooo happy that I spent buying unnecessary things at IKEA during lunch time... Okay what, IKEA's having a sale!!

Craving for Air Tangan Mak

I was having chicken lasagna and a cuppa cappuccino with my friend Ila this afternoon when I suddenly craved for Mak’s cooking. The craving came just like that. Like when I was pregnant and lusted for Swensen’s icecream in the middle of the night. You just gotta have it, no matter what.

I’m so ashamed to admit this, but I haven’t been back to Alor Setar since October Raya 2006. But everybody in my family understood the reasons behind that. Last year (2007) was a bad year for us.

- I changed so many maids. This, if put into writing, would require 1GB of memory. How about that?
- Got ‘robbed’ by my temporary maids – RM13K in jewelries and cash
- We were busy with the renovation of the house we bought
- We were busy with the moving-in/settling-in

We were lucky because Mak and AYAH would come and visit us from time to time. I knew they understood our situation, thus no hard feelings. Especially when I'm the only one living this far from them. All my other siblings either live in Alor Setar or Sungai Petani.

And when I had this Mak’s-food-craving attack, I felt sad. I wish I could see her more often. Mak is 66 and AYAH 71 but they have so many activities back home. AYAH is forever being a judge (for Pantuns etc), providing talks on Pantuns etc, attending Clubs, (Persatuan Sejarah, Kedah Museum), attending dinners etc. Mak will be busy with her Masjid, Wanita and Club activities. Sometimes she goes fishing with her neighbors, and I know she loves every second of it.

I wish I could eat what she cooked for dinner tonight. Maybe tonight’s menu will be Gulai Telur Ikan Plotan, Ikan Temenung Goreng, Sotong Goreng Letup and Kerabu Tembikai. Not forgetting the compulsory item on the menu which will always include Sambal Belacan and Ulam for AYAH.

I’m drooling. Gosh... I really crave for Mak's cooking...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

My dear Ayah (hubby) – Abang, you’re the best Ayah. Our six children will vow to that. Although our special ones - Haziq and Husna can’t speak that out loud, I know deep inside their wandering minds, you’re always there on the pedestal.


These cards and gifts are from your children, dear... :)

You’re a remarkable husband and a great father. Many would ask how did we do it. I mean with having two special children and another four young children… I’d tell them that we are what we are. Allah has given us Haziq and Husna for us to care because WE ARE special parents! Remember Allah gives us the challenges to face not because we're weak, but because we're strong enough to face whatever He bestows...

So, thank you for being YOU :)



Dan untuk AYAH (my father), Selamat Hari Bapa untuk AYAH!



This pix was taken on October 14, 1963... when AYAH was a young man of 26. Now AYAH is a grandfather to like 20 something grandkids. AYAH, I guess you've gotten everything you want in life... you've taught thousands of kids since you were 14 and see most of them become important people to the society, you've written countless stories, Pantuns, Syairs and books, you've become the winner of International Sayembara Mengarang Pantun, of Malaysian Tokoh Sastera Warisan and most of all, AYAH, you have the most precious thing of all - MAK.

AYAH, despite our differences in a lot of things, you're always there in my heart.

To all the Ayahs/Abahs/Daddies/Papas/Walids/Bapaks/Fathers - HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!